LETTER FROM HELL

JUDAS’ NOTE FROM HELL

To the disciples who are determined not to fail the Master, to the new born believers who are still basking in the euphoria of the Master's love, to the backsliders whose passion for the Master has gone down, and finally to the sinners who want to enjoy the world and have set time for their conversion or not even thinking of eternity.

With pains, agony, and gnashing of teeth with deep regret, knowing I have every opportunity to avoid this pain, I write this letter. I've been in deep depression and distress ever since I shamefully hung myself on that oak tree after those Priests told me to my face that the money they gave me was a blood money. I am Iscariot Judas, most criticized Jesus' disciple and with pains and regret I write this letter to you all to learn and adjust your ways so that you don't end up like me. Permit me to share my life with you and how I missed it, hopefully I will never get to see any of you here again.

I was born to very poor home but serious disciplined religious parents, who always taught us to be prudent, disciplined and make use of every opportunity. I grew up being the smartest of my peers, you can trust me with your money because I'm faithful in keeping such, because my parents were religious, we have access to the Priests. I so much have hatred for poverty because I have vowed to live a more better life than my parents, I'm always looking for every opportunity to make things work out for me but yet I'm still disciplined and religious. I was then looking forward to the fulfillment of prophecies about Israel because I also believe that will enhance my determination to make my dream come true.

Hmmmm, my childhood was never fun because of the hardship but it was also nice to remember for me because I was full of potential and I became the hope of my parents and community. "Jay" as they always call me in the neighborhood then became a household name as parents always use me as a talking point for their wards. In terms of respect for elders, love for Israel, and smartness in making things work out, everyone of my age bracket comes second to me. Oh, what a life! What a future I was beholding, what a promise my life was holding........ Ah!!!!! There's pain here, Oh, I would have avoided this, oops, I wish I discovered the warning of the Master and avoid here....... What a Life.....

Growing up for me was a dream for any young man of my age, because it seems as if things I desire always work out for me, most times I looked at people especially youth without a life as being lazy and lacking focus. With all these attribute of mine, people still recommend me as faithful and humble. The dedication of my parents in the synagogue makes the Priests closer to our family, as a young boy I have free access to walk up to the Priests once I want to learn about the scripture or if there are rumors about the Priests.

I don't know how I got the skills, but money is safe in my hands, it's a quality I can boast of anytime and anywhere. I'm not writing this letter to you to make you pity me, but I wish I can help a life, I really wanted to make it up to the Master because I really betrayed the trust He had for me, I took Him for granted, I misused the grace. I just hope reading my story can change a life and prevent such life ending up here like me.

As a man whose love for the scripture is commendable, I knew Yahweh promised us a Savior, and I was also desperately expecting the Savior to come just like any other Israelites, the return of authority to Israel will not only make us great but will give many young men opportunity to live their dreams.

I met a man someday, who asked me to follow him and told me He's Jesus, the Savior, I could not understand how the promised Savior will appear this way, I asked the Priests about it and they told me that it's all false, something in me stick to this man, something told me that he's sincere, that's not to talk about the crowd he pulls, and the miracles he performs. I decided to follow him at least if not for His identity but for my dreams.

I had follow this man for a while and I have found him sincere and true, my life started having a shape, I started understanding the scripture, He calls us disciples, we are so many that walking around Jesus automatically make you a different man in the neighborhood. I was enjoying my time with him, His wisdom always makes me love him more and believe him more.

Hmmmm, there comes the best day of my life. One morning, all disciples gathered early enough to hear Jesus speaks to us, He had left us to pray the previous night and he also told us that there will be an important announcement the following morning, we all wondered what it could be. We all came in our hundreds to listen to the information early the following morning. Seeing Jesus alone shows that He prayed through the night. "How could this man stayed up in the cold and pray till Dawn?" I wondered in my heart, it means the information is very important.

Jesus then announced that He's appointing apostles amongst us, He said he had prayed and God whom He regularly refers to as His father has given the names. So, He called the names and I could not believe when I heard ISCARIOT JUDAS. The calling of name followed with another unbelievable statement, the Teacher as we fondly calls the Master then, said, He had watched me and discovered that I am faithful and prudent, and announced me as the bag keeper, I was filled with joy and happiness, at last my real value is showing up. Remembering that day still brings happiness but the pains I'm experiencing now makes me wish that this day never came.

How I wish I never took that role, how I wish I told The Master that day that I prefer to be a disciple and learn more. Although I have also discovered that the problem is not because I was appointed, I made it to hell because of carelessness, overambitious and pride. Imagine me JUDAS was considered as faithful and prudent amongst hundreds of devoted followers and was qualified to hold money for the Master and the whole disciples. Hmmmm, same me, JUDAS is enduring this endless pains as if there's an end to it. How are the mighty fallen? Hmmmm, how I wish I could turn the hand of time and I will understand that I wasn't the most faithful or most prudent, Jesus just wanted to correct my life, I was carried away and only realized how far I have missed here in the Sheol.

Nobody can actually understand how important I felt that time, knowing that the son of God really was aware of my childhood training of prudence and faithfulness. For weeks after the appointment I always walk around knowing full well how important I am to the ministry, I'm indeed close to the Master, that He started calling me "my friend" and that was going to be the last words He said to me after I shamefully led the Guard to arrest My Master.

I became so deep in the things of the Master, my knowledge of the law made Jesus' teaching very interesting, most times I wondered how deep He can go in explaining the laws and the Prophets to the crowd but again His parables are heavenly designed, we won't sleep most times until we get meaning to His parables from Him.

Hmmmm, Judas for once in His lifetime decided to live a life without a base, we hardly can predict where we will pass the night, but the Master is full of words of hope. I remember the day Simon asked about our reward now that we have forsaken everything, which was the only day I think that man called Simon spoke my mind (I will talk about Simon later). Jesus replied by reassuring us of our great reward here on earth and heaven. I groan in pains seeing my brethren taking their promised reward in Paradise.

I witnessed firsthand Jesus' miracles, teaching and deliverance. The miracles performed by Him in the secret are more unbelievable, there was a day He had told us to travel on the boat ahead of Him, we were confronted with a nasty storm and only for us to see Him walking on the water, that day made me conclude in my heart that it's possible this Man is God himself (never knew I was right). So I laughed off rumors that He's fake, because what people see of him outside are nothing compare to what we see inside.

We have learnt so much from Him that the Pharisees have started confronting us with questions about Jesus, we have also become subject of attack from the people. But for me, I don't care, I'm happy knowing that I have found the real Savior and I'm also part of his ministry, I'm happy I'm getting closer to knowing God the more.

Some people who believed Jesus as the Savior always comes with money, food, clothes and so on, most times Master rejects and sometimes He accept them. Being the Bag keeper, I'm always ready to keep the accepted resources. I'm close to the Master those times because keeping and spending must be accurate and balance. I cannot keep in shape my closeness with the Master; I foolishly drifted away from the hands of the Master.

Hmmmm, there was indeed a betraying prophecy to be fulfilled but my name was never written as the betrayer. I decided to let go of warning signals and warning until I became totally lost and broken forever.

I indeed was faithful in keeping the bag at least so I thought, although I will make use of the money for my own use and so far it was an investment, I always refund the money. Hmmmm, that might not be wrong but it open doors for my fall. I began to have interest in whatever will bring money rather than concentrating on discipleship.

I thought all was well when one day the Master sent us out to preach the Kingdom of God, I was indeed happy seeing people weeping for repentance after ministering to them, and demons flee almost immediately after laying of hands. I thought within myself that I can only get better provided I remain with the Lord; I was hungry for power but was careless about my soul and life.

Simon became closer to the Master and I cannot but starts feeling bad about it, I always criticize him for always sitting closer to the Lord. My own opinion was that he's only doing it to get favor from Jesus. He's always at front of conversation, questions and care for our Master. Not long, Master will take him along to pray. How I wish I didn't envy him but I'm not concern about that, I'm only interested in making money and becoming a powerful servant of God.

There were two major warning signals that came my way from the Master but I ignored out rightly thinking it doesn't matter. First, there was this day that we were broke and there was nothing with us, at least I was the bag keeper. That same day, the tax collector arrested us, the Master sent Simon to go get money from the mouth of fish. I never thought why the Master would not include me in the team that would go get the money at least that was my department. Only after my destruction did I realized that I have lost the trust of the Master. My ambition and desire has blocked my sight.

Secondly, one afternoon, we visited Martha and suddenly, Mary came and broke the alabaster jar and poured all the oil at the Master's feet. Let me explain, the oil worth the money meant to pay someone's whole year salary. I became furious knowing how much we needed money for ministry, and just recently we were arrested for tax, and here is a woman wasting away these valuable resources. I remembered the Master teaching us never to waste a thing. I decided to talk; at least even if I was going to gain from the money, we will still use it for the Kingdom.

Jesus' response was a signal, He quietly told us that the poor are here longer but he's staying with us just for a while and we should prepare for His death. At first I didn't understand why the Master decided not to address the issue but rather just advice us. My personality is no longer interesting to Him, but I ignored again and shamefully followed others thinking we were heading towards same destination. Three years of walking with the Master is gradually becoming a woe.

Jesus' ministry is winding up, and the Priests and Pharisees have started looking for a way to arrest Him. I always imagined in my mind how possible it is to really arrest Jesus is. I usually laughed them off because if only these people knew half of what I have seen Him doing, they won't even plan of arresting Him not to talk of killing. He has miraculously escaped death from these people's hands and I wondered why they decided not to learn.

I always find time to visit the Priests, remember I grew up knowing them....... One day, I visited and again met them where they were planning on how to arrest Him; I thought again that this could be another way of making money because I thought NOTHING in this world can make them successfully arrest Jesus. He's so powerful. I told them I can help them provided they will pay me. They were happy but I was wondering how stupid these so called Priests can sometimes be. They were forgiven and I was doomed, HOW STUPID WAS I?

I was not surprised that Jesus knew about this because I believed He knows all things, so when He talked about it at the super, I knew He should know. I wasn't seeing the prophecy; I was not hearing the whistle even when The Master himself was blowing it. I thought everyone will praise me after bringing the money I made from those stupid Priests. Devil was laughing, Heavens were crying and I did not know.

I went out in the cold, fully prepared to handover my Master to the Priests and the Pharisees, I missed following the other disciples to the Mount to pray that night, fellowshipping with the Master has been replaced with desires and ambitions.

I arrived at the mount late into the night with guards to arrest Jesus, Jesus came out and called me Friend, I smiled thinking He's still regards me as one, although He did, and He was indirectly telling me that He can still accommodate me, how I wish I remembered this before hanging myself, maybe, just maybe He might still save me.

The guards came up to arrest Him and suddenly they all fell down, I laughed deeply thinking it served them right, "Jesus is not a man you can arrest like that" I boldly whisper that to myself. Suddenly, my Master deliberately surrendered Himself to be arrested, I cannot believe my eyes, "what is happening" I asked myself. In a moment I knew I have sold out my Master. The whole disciples fled, I was left alone in the dark cold night, tears rolled down my cheeks, I asked myself why I did a thing like this, my eyes became opened and I realized how far the devil has fooled me and my greed for ambition has wasted my three years of discipleship.

I wept as I made my way down to the temple, I cried like a baby, I can't believe I did this to my Master, someone I spent over three years with, a man who never hurt or offended me. I got to the temple and I found the Priests celebrating the victory of my Master's arrest, this provoked me more. I gave them the money but they told me to my face that I was holding blood money. My testimony just got shattered, my holiness message has just been messed up, and I threw the money at them and went out.

I could not imagine how I will face other disciples and explain how I betrayed the Master, the only option that came to my mind was to die, and so far I have killed the Master. I hung myself and open my eyes to this eternal suffering and death. I walked with Jesus and here I am suffering.

God is after your life and not what you think you should become. I missed the molding and missed the rest. I write this to you so that you can take to the letters the molding of the Master. Don't come here, make it Right!!!!

I, ISCARIOT JUDAS.

Written by Temileyi Adeoti Mayokun.